Brake, Or Break

(This is not a spelling lesson)

The ladies from my Mastermind meeting just left my house after our quarterly planning meeting and I’m 3-cups of coffee in to this day. I don’t know if you should read that last bit about the coffee as a warning or a confession, or both—so do with that information what you will. What I am trying to say is that I might have a lot of words today so pace yourself.

Here’s a picture not from this morning.

After making the rounds though our detailed agenda items, I sat with my calendar and my to-do list spread out in front of me and felt a creeping tension winding its way into my shoulder blades. We’re teetering on the edge of days before we tip full-throttle into our Summer rhythms and I am both looking forward to it, while also fretting a bit over the volume of things that need to be done/sorted/purged/examined/decided/completed/arranged/scheduled/and so on, that are already accumulating on both my personal work calendar, and our family calendar. The expectations for the coming season will need to be confronted head-on. In times like this I wrestle hourly with both frustration and gratitude over the abundance of…life.

Yesterday I had a conversation for a future podcast episode with my new friend Kelly, about trauma and creativity, and how we can keep creating when we are in recovery. I know the word”trauma” has gotten a work-out over the last handful of years and as much as I think we are all a little (or a lot) weary from its use/misuse it is the word I must use here, because our conversation was, and is rooted in actual trauma —the kind that turns your life inside out. The kind that turns you inside out.

Our conversation was fruitful and helpful and life-giving and exhausting. I noticed several months ago when I was meeting regularly with my counselor that while I always left our sessions feeling some shade of relief, I also left every one of those sessions deeply depleted and craving the cocoon of my bed, or a quiet space. I don’t think I’d ever paid much attention to how physically tiring emotional work can be. Even if the “work” only involves saying words for an hour.

I came away from my conversation yesterday grateful for others (like my new friend) who want to have hard conversations, and are willing to wrestle with the questions of what to do, and how to do it when you’re being wrung out like a sponge. I also came away from the conversation with a renewed awareness of my own journey.

a picture from today, awaiting the arrival of my mastermind ladies

When I get particularly overwhelmed and weary, I often think of these words penned by Dallas Willard, speaking on the need for deep rest and retreat,

If you don’t come away for a while, you will come apart after a while.

Dallas Willard

These words by Dallas are often shared in relation to my work with Refine {the retreat} because they are wholly true. We are people with limited capacity navigating a world that always presses us to live beyond our means.

During our meeting this morning I didn’t manage to get much of my Q3 planning done, but I did write on the calendar that I’d be taking the month of June off of social media.

I know from experience that when overwhelm comes knocking—or banging at the door—the first step is not to let it in, but to get quiet. As quiet as one can, in a season such as this.

I know that if I don’t press the brake somewhere, I will break everywhere.

a picture from just now—he always knows how to brake for rest

I have plenty to keep me busy during my rest from the socials. I hope that includes more writing here on Substack, as well as in other offline places, but I am holding all of that loosely since I know that it’s better to approach any kind of fasting (and all of life, really) with an open palm, rather than a clenched fist.

Q4U

When is the last time you took an extended break from being online or on social media? How was that for you?

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Some of you might have noticed that a notification recently appeared on my Substack letters with an invitation to become a paid subscriber. I hesitated for a long (long) time about making this option available, but after much deliberation, I did decide to activate the paid-subscriber feature here on this platform. To those who choose to transition to a paid subscription, I thank you. And to those of you who are not ready or able to upgrade your subscription at this time, I thank you for reading along and encouraging me. However you show up here, I am deeply grateful and honored to have a seat at your table (inbox).