Intentions, Reflections, and the Resurrection of Old Practices For A new Year

How to Bloom and Grow in the Bleak Midwinter

Happy New Year. I want to end that statement with an exclamation mark but it’s barely 7AM and that kind of energy feels a little heavy handed this early, rainy, foggy,  January morning. Sometimes, enthusiasm must be tempered.

Tempered enthusiasm notwithstanding, I do feel more hopeful coming into 2023 than I have in a handful of New years. Whether or not that kind of energy is warranted, only time will tell, but even so, hope hopes for what is unseen—hope is not reliant on knowing that only good, and not evil lurk around the next turn of the calendar page.

New Year’s Eve I joined Ashlee Gadd in signing off of Instagram for the month of January and immediately exhaled. I’ve taken extended social media breaks before and clearly, given the heavy exhale, it’s that time again.

The argument against such an extended break from the social stratosphere for me more often than not centers around the timing. Jumping offline during a book launch, or at the opening of retreat registrations, or when launching a brand new podcast feels a little foolish—and I have lots of thoughts about this—but I shall save those for later, as they are still simmering. I remind myself what I always say about taking time for a retreat—the timing is almost always terrible, and still retreat is critical, schedule be damned. The question of whether or not to retreat, or whether or not to take an extended social media break nearly always comes down to priorities.

I’m still knee deep in gathering my thoughts about 2022, but I know that I can say for certain, that the year ended for me with a sort of finality. There are things I am leaving back in 2022 that I am committing to refuse to pick up again. I’ve carried them long enough, or perhaps it’s truer still, that they’ve weighed me down long enough, and I am at last ready to bid those things adieu. I tend to resist “resolutions”, in favor of “setting intentions”, but there’s also a part of me that feels like that is a semantics game. Whatever way you choose to look at it, I suppose there are things I am resolving to leave behind, in favor of intending to choose differently.

Emily P Freeman shared her list of things that worked for her in 2022 (and then sent an email naming the things that didn’t), and so I am borrowing a page from her to share my own list.

What didn’t work for me

1. Eating like a teenager. I know I’m solidly in my 40’s and should know better, but I have long-resisted making serious changes in my diet for a myriad of reasons, and a handful of plain, old-fashioned excuses. But, those days are firmly over. I’m not ready to get into the weeds on this, but at some point, we will have this conversation more fully.

2. People Pleasing. I have often referred to myself as a recovering “people-pleaser”, and the truth is, I don’t think I’ve truly ever been in actual recovery until last year. I thank the good Lord, my therapist, and EMDR, for helping me out from under the miserable weight of living to please the world. I finally understand at a cellular level that people-pleasing is a losing game. You can’t please everyone, and in trying, you risk forgetting who you really are.

3. Keeping a budget in my head and not on paper. I hate numbers and math so much that I avoid budget keeping as long as possible until I have no choice but too sit down and do it and then I am stuck in a miserable block of hours number-crunching, ruing the day that math ever became a thing. This is a terrible method, and I think I am finally ready to be a grown up about it and take better care of keeping my records more current. Your prayers are appreciated.

4. A Gym Membership. Hear me out—this worked for me for awhile, I loved the people, and the energy (hello,ENFP!) but the loud (so LOUD) music, and the high intensity training is not the kind of workout my body needs in this season of life. I have a handful of autoimmune diseases and for the sake of trying to care for, (and not punish) this body, and for the sake of not suffering any further hearing loss, I am back to working out at home.

Let’s move on.

What did work for me

Making (lots of) Art. In 2021 I launched a bi-weekly “Art of Prayer” workshop at my church, and that group continued to be a source of great encouragement and life over the last year. Between that, and my own art journaling habits, I made more art in 2022 than maybe ever, and it served me in so many ways. I intend to keep this habit up. More on this to come…

Getting honest with myself about some hard things. This is more personal and so I will simply say that coming clean with ourselves about habits, beliefs, and things we carry is a difficult but worthwhile effort. Yes, it’s hard. and yes, it’s rewarding. And no, this work is never finished.

1. Having a High School graduate. My gosh I cannot express the joy of this season having a house full of teens. I love these years so hard, and they are passing so quickly. The gift and privilege of watching my children grow into adulthood is staggering. It’s completely working for me, and I know ( I KNOW!!) how hard it is when the kids are small and you think these years will never arrive, but they Do, and they are their own gift.

2. Keeping a digital record of my morning prayer times. My one-word for 2022 was “Fidelity” (Faithfulness) and I decided early on to take a photo each day and save it to my IG stories, as a way of acknowledging God’s faithfulness and as a measure of accountability, and, as a means of encouragement. I did this strictly for myself, but in sharing it, I heard from so many of you that it was helpful and encouraging to your own faith. That’s a double blessing. I intend to keep up the practice this year.

3. Taking a sabbatical from hosting Refine {the retreat}. This was a difficult decision, but like the deep exhale in signing off of social media, I knew that I knew that I knew that it was the right move. It was hard and disorienting not hosting the retreat in 2022, but it gave me some much needed breathing room to continue my own healing journey. It was scary to cancel that retreat, but God carried me. I know it. And now we are going back!

4. Making the decision to start a podcast. I have kicked this idea around for years and finally, I decided the time is now. This is just getting off the ground so we’ll surely re-visit this next year and see how it went. (First episode drops 1/3)

5. Meeting monthly with my in-person mastermind group. We are in our second or third(?) year of meeting together and this small, intentional group of women have been such a gift to me professional and personally. We are not disbanding anytime soon—this group is gold.

6. Gathering with women for an informal Bible Study. This is similar to my mastermind group in that a handful of us came together and said, “hey, I need more time in the Word and want to do it with friends—you in?” and thus the group was formed. These women have become a generative little network who prays together, and plays together.

I have a list of intentions as we enter this new year and I’m actually excited about all of them—even the more challenging ones, but one of them that I am looking forward to, is the return to the practice of writing “Morning Pages”. I don’t remember when I abandoned this habit, but I am eager, and finally ready to return to it again. This idea come’s from Julia Cameron’s book, The Artist’s Way, and after completing my first 3 pages just this morning, I can already say this will be an important practice to return to this year. Even better, I am working through this book alongside a small accountability group inside the Refinery. So life-giving!

“As artists, we must realize that we have to maintain the artistic ecosystem. If we don’t give it some attention to upkeep, our well is apt to become depleted, stagnant or blocked.” ~Julia Cameron

I ended 2022 with a glass of champagne in my hand, and an image burning in my mind. It was this image that I had my daughter capture late Friday afternoon, as the sun was setting. This image came to me while driving home from errands, and I knew I needed to create what I was seeing in my mind. Following the image, my one-word for 2023 landed with a bounce in my spirit—”Fractal”. Given my distaste for mathematical terms, and general lack of understanding around complex scientific concepts, this is a curious word for me to have landed on. I look forward to connecting the existential dots raised by such a surprising word.

Do you choose a word for the year? What new practices, intentions, or habits are you looking forward to this year?

“ Fractal” 2023 #oneword365