This Is Who I am Now

On the perpetual art of change (& a creative prompt)

Madeline L’Engle wrote, “I am every age I’ve ever been,” and as I continue to grow up, I return to this quote often. It’s an opening to a rabbit hole of curiosity, to consider the ways this is true, the nature of change, and the invitation to hold it all.

We speak of the ways children grow up, but I want to believe that as adults, we continue to grow up—that the process never ceases—or at the very least, never should cease. For those of us that view our lives through the lens of eternity, our human lives will be forever young. We are a people invited to change. The opportunity to continue to grow as humans is a great gift, and one we ought to humbly lay claim to. It is our birthright. It is our spiritual work.

A snapshot from the Florida Keys last week—on the shores of the great gulf, where all deep thoughts in me are stirred.

The downside of scrolling through one’s social media feed is that you can see something that sparks something but if you don’t note it right then, you’re apt to forget the source. I thought I was coming to you with a prompt inspired by something Annie F. Downs had shared, but when I went looking back to verify the source—I could no longer find what I thought I’d seen. <sigh>.

The phrase I was trying to attribute to Annie was this: “this is who I am now”.¹

Whether it was indeed Annie who’d written it, or someone else, I cannot confirm, but I can say that the phrase struck me like a bell, and I knew immediately that I wanted to explore it as a writing prompt.

While I have no idea what 2024 holds for me personally and professionally, I know this much—I am rooted in a season of transition and change and adrift in some ways. But I am not lost. I don’t know that I’ve ever felt more found in my life. And I say this as nearly everything I have worked on for the last 10 years is changing. When I saw/heard the phrase, “this is who I am now”, I wanted to put words to it for myself, because I think it’s important to keep naming ourselves and doing the work of knowing who we are.

Key West at sunrise

This is who I am now

I am a woman who collects tiny shells on a February beach and calls them treasure

I am a woman who wears what she wants whether it’s in fashion, or not

I am a writer who writes less at the moment but trusts that the words are coming back

I am an artist who plays with color and medium and breaks the rules of art, just because

I am a person who collects scraps and bits of paper that will become layers in my art (nothing is wasted)

I am an accidental collector of old stamps

I am a woman who buys Emu eggs

I am a lover of historical things, antiques, “old junk” because I believe in restoration and redemption

I am a woman who likes to be alone—to eat alone, to walk alone, to shop alone—this is new and welcome

I am a mom whose favorite place to be is around the table with my people

I am a woman in transition, open armed to change and still deeply rooted in the rich orthodoxy of my faith

I am a believer in do-overs

I am a human who weeps when old buildings are torn down in favor of building new ones, whose heart is pricked by every dead squirrel, opossum and deer on the side of the road, who wrestles with the now-and-not-yet of this world

I am a women who says yes to God’s invitations, even if it means making hard stops and unexpected or uncomfortable shifts because I am a woman who loves God imperfectly, but relentlessly

I am a person who believes in the transformative and healing power of a well spoken apology

I am a person who believes in confession and accountability

I am a woman still embattled in a low-grade war with a strong desire for personal independence

I contain multitudes²

I am a person who believes that mistakes are inevitable and that grace is real

I am a woman who is DONE looking for the “likes” of others—online and offline

I am a teacher (this one took years to own but I just am, and it’s good)

I am a person who starts strong and is learning to finish stronger

I am a woman who dreams and believes that dreaming is not a waste of time

…..This is (some of) who I am now

Kew West resident

Your turn!

Creative Prompt

Use the phrase, “This is who I am now” and create a list, a poem, a piece of art, a story, a song, a meal—whatever you want—in response. If you share it somewhere tag me (@kriscamealy) or email it to me so I can know you better and cheer you on.

1. If by some miracle you too saw this quote, or heard it in a reel, please let me know so that I can attribute it properly.

2. Walt Whitman, https://poets.org/poem/song-myself-51

{Every word an image in this article was created by my own two hands. No portion of this creative work was generated from the mind of a machine. Any errors, type-o’s or mistakes are all my doing. I am a woman who owns her imperfections.}